Sensate Focus Exercises

Big Girl Lingerie- Sensate Focus Introduction and Video

To all those who have not heard of the Sensate Focus sexual exercise, designed to help couples overcome sex performance anxiety and any sexual peer pressure issues, allow me to be the first to introduce you to it. Sensate Focus technique was developed in the mid-1970’s by William Masters and Virginia Johnson. They developed this truly unique and ideal sexual exercise to help individuals overcome sexual behavioral problems because of sexual trauma. What they stumbled upon was a new two dimensional developmental technique, that when applied has given thousands of women and men great sexual achievement. These proven enhanced sexual practices have helped men and women, like you and me to overcome performance pressure anxiety and any disconnectedness issues that may occur concerning your body. Both men and women alike, along with myself share the same stories of empowerment while experiencing an increase in sexual arousal and achieved orgasm. Sensate Focus is a behavioral program which involves a couple completing homework assignments in the form of structured touching.

Brief Introduction

• When a couple is experiencing sexual frustration, the first basic principle to the Sensate Focus exercise, is communication between all involved parties that complete the couple relationship. The Sensate Focus sexual exercise is not only for heterosexual couples, but for homosexual couples as well. The bottom line and key component to this is opened lines of communication.

• Each partnered experience involves a recommended forty minutes of participation. This is a touching and speaking exercise, designed to break the mold and help each of you, on what does or does not give you sexual pleasure. You and your partner will take turns touching each other in very specific ways. ^_1.)During the first stages of the Sensate Focus technique, a couple will need to select who should be the first to experience the touching exercise. Couples who lost all since of communication between each other are advised to draw straws. Sometimes just picking who will be first, can be a traumatic experience. So make it easy on yourselves, and designed a different way to decided who will be first. ^_2.) Once a couple has decided on who should go first, that person is advised to lay down on a bed, sit on a couch or someplace comfortable for the one who is experiencing the most sexual anxiety. Depending on how severe or traumatic the situation between you and your mate, evaluate the situation and decide for yourselves if the focus technique will be done naked or dressed. There is nothing written in stone here people. Nowhere does it state, that the Sensate Focus has to be done with all persons naked, the first time they try it! Remember, time is on your side. Even though you maybe sexually frustrated as hell- time is on your side, and you will soon be making love like you've always fantasized about. ^_3.) Before you even get to this step, make sure you all absolutely comfortable with how it is thus far. Once that has been established, the one chosen to go first will start touching their partner in various areas. All touching is done so without touching any genital or private areas for the entirety of twenty minutes. NO touching of the personal and private areas is allowed during the first few initial stages. It defeats the whole purpose of this exercise. Another thing you need to know- all sexual activity needs to be curtailed until you've completed the entire Sensate Focus experience. Having intercourse now before one of you is (truly) ready- will defeat any goals that you or your mate have. Moreover, abstaining from all sexual activity increases sexual desire and drive. Besides that- what is the point in having, yet another bad sexual experience? Now that that has been established; once the twenty minutes is over, is now time to swap places with your partner and complete the twenty minute exercise all over.
• Having personally experienced this activity my advice to you is to spend that twenty minutes concentrating on your partner's hands, face, neck, leg muscles and feet. You will be amazed at what you will learn about your partner during this process. What I discovered about my husband was he loved the softness of my lotion hands. He had not ever noticed before how well kept and soft my fingertips and pads were. I discovered ticklish spots that he himself didn't know he even had. It also gave me an opportunity to become comfortable with the size of my body. When I got pregnant with our son Zachary, I gained 74 pds. I felt ugly inside myself and uncomfortable in my new over grown body. We had a very difficult pregnancy and couldn't have sex after my first trimester. We went for a total of seven months before we had sex again. It was terrible. The worse sex I had ever had. I felt like I had be violated. Violated because of my over grown body, and violated as a piece meat. It was horrible to say the least. Nevertheless, once we completed this exercise I felt rejuvenatedand alive. After Buck died I thought any thoughts of having sex in the future, were just that thoughts. I didn't think I stood a chance. But then I met my husband, Michael and we too used this exercise to break the ice. I'm now a whopping 227pds, size 22 with a set of 42 double D's and having the best sex of my life.

Stage One

Sex

1. Taking plenty of time, one person explores the other’s naked (if possible) body, avoiding sexual areas. For some people nakedness is too difficult, and they like to start with some underwear or a T shirt. Do not try to give pleasure, but notice the skin feelings and emotional feelings you get from doing and being done to.
2. After 2 weeks of doing this twice a week, if you feel enough confidence, go on to including nipples and breasts, and try different ways of touching. If you have been wearing some clothes, it is time to take them off if you can. You might like to use massage oil to add variety. Touching through fabric, or using a soft brush or feather might be good.
3. The same again, only now ask for anything that you like, and guide your partner’s hand. You might like to try the ‘spoons’ position, when one person sits back to front with the other. This makes it easier to guide the hand that is doing the touching.

Stage Two

1. Keep to the ban on intercourse, but gradually include lightly touching the sexual area as part of the whole body, not something to pay special attention to. This will mean that there are no ‘no go’ areas.
2. While you continue as before, you can touch the sexual area to give pleasure, but not to aim for orgasm.
3. Some people like to include a phase of masturbation to orgasm, either together or on each other. Some people don’t want to do that. You can choose.

Stage Three

1. Keeping to the ban on intercourse, decide how to approach penetration in a graded way. The first step is simply to allow entry for about on inch, with no movement.
2. Once you can manage one inch, press on and try a little gentle thrusting movement.
3. This is full penetrative sex, starting very gently and working on to how you want it to be.

Click here for Sensate Focus ground rules submitted by mkarliner.